Rag-Me-Not

-Inshirah Tahir

THE TORTURES OF BEING A JUNIOR!
So first day, new people, new life, and the red bricks and…
The utterly dreadful, horrifying and completely embarrassing aspect of *pauses for suspense music* getting ragged.
I remember walking in the morning and seeing the all-so innocent faces of our seniors and thinking that ‘those were just rumours, right? These people look way too nice to rag’, but boy were we wrong! They say that it was a tradition and our seniors left no stone was unturned when it came to living up to that tradition of making nervous, anxious and terrified juniors more miserable. Such fun, no?
Let me just begin by saying that we, in the spirit of ragging, were made to do things that we had never even imagined in our lives. And we, the girls, who were all too convinced that the delicacy our gender brings would protect us, were beyond wrong, because the senior girls made a point in practically chasing us around campus.
Swarms of seniors were  literally gathered outside every single classroom, just looking for the opportunity to present itself so they could ambush. Know that once you step out of the boundaries of your class you are game, all guards down and no arms, completely at the mercy of the enemy.
They started with disfiguring our appearance; rubbing glitter and paint and what not all over our faces, even picking up stationary and casually scribbling over our first-day-of-school shiny white uniforms. Who asked for the autograph? *annoyed face* The marks their visits left on our uniforms further presented us as targets for anyone who needed one. The obvious thing to do was run to the restroom but no, that's no safe haven either. How could they let nature's call stop them from making us miserable? They follow you, and lock you up in there. No offense, but have you seen the restrooms here? Yeah, it was hell.
The seniors not only stripped us of our dignity but also our riches (Rs.100 doesn't make you rich. Editors here.), we did not even have to contemplate over lunch choices for we could no longer afford anything (yeah right, cause your "riches" could've bought you the whole canteen?) and for the rare few who actually managed to savage food for themselves, it was taken away in the name of ‘first day treats'.
If you think people lack confidence walking into their new campuses on the first day, imagine being in the crowd of over six hundred 'amazing' students and having to sing out loud. Not just songs but nursery rhymes too or having to dance to the most embarrassing of routines with everyone watching until the viewers are satisfied *wears sand bag over face*
Set this aside, imagine getting your beautiful nails painted in school or walking around freely with make-up on. Dream come true, isn't it? The only setback, you are a guy! Yes exactly!  Guys had to go through forced makeovers on their first days of school and had their faces plastered with lipsticks, blushes, liners. (Female editors: They have a right to look pretty too y'know) (Male editor: Humein chorr do, humaray haal pay) Literally the whole package and mostly the poor people couldn't even wash it off. (Editors: there's this thing called water-proof make-up)
There were even times when these oh-so determined seniors went as far as actually entering classes and entertaining themselves right there. (Editors: O behen kia keh rahi ho?) Yes, that was the agony of our first day *wipes tears*. Us poor souls with no refuge whatsoever were powerless in the face of the cruel plans of the opposing A2 forces (You make it sound so wrong, woman); but worry not we will have our vengeance soon enough, soon enough indeed. *evil laugh* (editors: ...still waiting *yawn*).

However to be entirely honest by the end of the day most people had had a good laugh. Will we continue this tradition next year or not is entirely up to us (editors: not really kiddo, thats the office's decision) but one thing is for certain, a little harmless ragging and some teasing doesn't offend anyone *Peace*

-Ahmed Mujtaba.

LES MISERABLES.

So let us begin with the cliché of ”better late than never”. Well I say this because it has nearly been two months since we “welcomed” our esteemed AS. However, this “LEGEN-wait for it –DARY “event of traditional RAGGING needs to be the hightlight of our very own PAF Chapter’s Blog.
So kids, it all began like any other day but this was no ordinary day. Why?  Well, because you see it was  1st September, the fated day for the arrival of our now-beloved AS. And unbeknownst to them we were waiting secretly to ambush them, like Na-Maloom Afrad waiting for the cash in on protests. Even though the authorities were on high alert (that’s not saying much though) and we had been forbidden to harass our lovely bachas on the grounds of ragging being “unethical-trauma-inducing-practice” (a little birdie told me). Well our spy network was able to glean these highlights from the overload of delicious-blogging-data that flooded the campus that day.
So this is how it happened... after a few incidents of money snatching, the AS became too afraid to come out of their classes and it was observed that whenever it was asked of a person of their allegiance to a class, an AS would turn on their heels and run like TURBO. But being the fastest snail did not help much because the elders were on a whole new level.
A couple (or so it seemed ) were found indulged near the canteen. The “gentlemen” inside us let the girl go but the boy-who-lived-later was made to do a pole dance and give up his money (Most people would GET money for that *wink*). What's shocking is not the tragedy that befell our friend but his willingness to be a part of this ordeal (Shoqiya mizaaj kay thay bhai).
Moreover, a friend of mine from the “blogging team” was dragged out of Sir Aijaz’s class and poured water on. Not only that, Oh no, they ran after him, kicked him and took his money. “Bechara”. He had to seek political asylum in Miss Naureen ‘s office. Way to go Khawar. #classicpakistanipoliticalstyle.
The chronicles do not end there, I myself found a little AS  near the end of the day and God knows I made the most out of that opportunity. I put lipstick on Anas while Imad and Waleed modrerated our performance (Editor here: Imad Aleem and Waleed bin Khalid ragged people? Qayaamat aanay wali hai.)
Also, it has been reported that girls were running while miscreants chased them with water bottles. Hmm. No sign of the authorities *looks over the horizon*
While people danced, sang and gave money to our Hit Squad, we took valuable notes. Well that’s how we roll . This is journalism, we got to eat dudes. (Editors: You ate dudes?) ...Okay, "eat, dudes".
Furthermore Shiraz reported that they made off with a couple of thousands and another friend quoted “last time, they did it to us. So we got even” . I agree (that’s the spirit).
So that’s all folks *bugs bunny voice*. Oh, but wait. Next day a friend of mine was kicked out of the class because he was ragging in the grounds (though he was forgiven, later ). Also, reports came flooding in that OUR SUPER SHERIFF MISS HILA was on the roll and many miscreants were detained while the heinous acts ensued on the first. Many were made Criminal Informants later while they left on probation (that’s the gossip so I guess we have a mole, I keep mine as a pet though ). And sanctuary was provided by Miss Naureen while the teachers reported those who got impatient and broke into classes. Snow sprays , BABY LIPS and other contrabands were also confiscated.
*PEACE*