The Bake ""Sale""

Written by: Faryab Haye and Hamna Fatima

Bake sale, bake sale, bake sale.. for weeks, posters and fliers were taped all over the campus walls featuring the prep section bake sale! For those who don’t know; a bake sale is not like Black Friday with huge discount on bakery items such as fresh bread, cake and pastry (as it’s name might suggest..), instead, it’s like a small carnival sort of thing, arranged in our school each year. This so-called carnival includes small rides, stalls for all kinds of street food, games and other attractions. Then the profit made from these adequately priced stalls and attractions goes to charity (or so they say).

This year the attractions included much of the same attractions as every other year, with a few exceptions; we had a camel, a horse, ..even a donkey.. and, and, and rickshaw rides (because of course we’d all like to experience rickshaw rides), a toota-hoa-not-safe-at-all-please-attempt-at-your-own-risk ferris wheel, a swinging (pirate?) ship, giant hamster balls and quad-bikes from sea view!

You know what’s fun? Riding on a horse, laughing at your friends falling off the horse..
You know what’s not fun? ACCIDENTALLY STEPPING ON HORSE SHIT. YUCK. It’s like bakra eid all over again; looking on the ground while walking is definitely a good idea during bake-sales...

Inside the tent there were several different stalls. All sorts of over priced food items were available; biryani, haleem, pizza, rolls, limca, cotton candy and even soup (really?). Aside from eatables, there was hairspray, games, jail, roses and song dedication. (Rumor has it some A-levels went from person to person and gladly exploited the economy; “Hair spray karwana hai? Sirf 30 rupee ka hai? Karwalo na??”).
Songs were blasted at ear-splitting volumes (because what’s a bake sale if you aren’t at-least half deaf?) and people enjoyed them to the extreme.

Kon nazar agaya, bhai? :/

Classes were bunked, water thrown at people, and Chapter Studios, once again did a wonderful job, taking pictures of everyone who demanded so. And believe me, lots of people wanted their picture taken. Bruh.

Friends were forced to give treats:
“Bhai aap kei SAT mein 2000 agai, treat tou banti hei na??”
“”Abay, dafa hoja, baray aye””
(Psst psst, I’m looking at you, Osman) (and Asad) (and Daniyal) (and Shahzain) (and Maheera) (and you too, Abdullah-- Entreship kai baad treat dena must hei..)

The jail was fun though, 7th graders dragged people in and forced them to bail themselves out! Here’s a picture of one of the inmates in its natural habitat:

Perhaps the best stall was the face paint; we’ve all seen paintings of Mickey Mouse and cat faces but this year’s face paints were on a whole another level!

..And we thought Annabelle was scary!

One tip for bake sales though, DO NOT greet your old teacher's, even if out of respect. They will hold onto you, they will ask you to buy something from their stall and you will end up doing what they say…

Moving on, DID ANYONE NOTICE THE DUST INSIDE THE TENT? It was like watching Mad Max Fury Road all over again. You literally couldn’t see more than 10 feet ahead of you! I feel bad for all the kids whose parents got a look at the state of their shoes when they got home. Sprinkling water onto the mud was a futile attempt at remedying anything…

Outside the tent again… We (Arbaz, Kamil, Sara and Faryab) decided it would be a great idea to go up to random people and start singing random songs. So if anyone was wondering why we did that, even we don’t know… It was fun though, serenading/creeping people out with Frozen’s Let It Go, Phineas and Ferb’s theme song, Dora the Explorer and Dexter’s Laboratory… and inspired the Blogging Society’s head to hide in the girl’s washroom, fearful of us… (insert creepy laughter here)

After that everyone was supposed to gather for a very important announcement… which everyone already knew about... （´☣౪☣) 3 DAY WEEKEND, YAY! （´☣౪☣)

In the end the whole affair was a huge success. The attractions, although extremely overpriced, were very enjoyable and everyone had loads of fun. The Prep Section, truly, did a great job arranging this year’s Bake Sale. Well done!

(◕‿◕✿) 

Big Things Come in Small (..like, really small) Packages

Written By: Nida Fatima

We’re going to kick off this year’s ‘Humans of Chapter’ posts with a particularly special cookie. Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Wait, is it the LOTR ‘cause I’m pretty sure that’s a hobbit???? Oh, nevermind, it’s just Faryal.

She goes by many names such as Faryal, Farz, Littler Wayne, Shortstack, Shortie etc. At a resounding 5’2”, get on her bad side and tiny here can manage to knock you out in one fair swoop.  

Now, I’m sure we all have that one friend who everyone takes a liking to. The fabulous lady I’m going tell you about is definitely that friend.

Let’s get one thing straight from the start: Faryal is one of the very few actually genuine people you will have the pleasure of meeting.

Okay, so, I’m not going to lie. She’s a wee bit on the crazier side of the female spectrum. But, hey the crazy ones know how to have the most fun. Would she kick a truck for fun? Hell yeah. She would level up. She would drive the truck off a freeway for fun. Trust me. If she can cartwheel down a flight of stairs and jump off the first floor all in the name of fun, this chick can do anything. Yes, yes, I know she may not be the sharpest crayon of the bunch when it comes to these things, but real talk though; this girl is hella ace.

Just a warning, if you hear something that sounds like nails scratching a chalkboard in the halls, Don’t! Be! Alarmed! It’s just Faryal singing. She’s the girl that you will find dancing in the middle of the dance floor if her jam is on. You DO   N O T    get in between a girl and her jam. We clear? Okay, good. ‘Cause if you try, you will FOR SURE get cut.

Remember that time you heard demonic screeching and wondered whether the world was ending because Hell had been unleashed on Earth? Still need an explanation? Fret not, it was just Faryal freaking out over a bird thinking it could invade her personal space. Meaning it was 20 ft away from her and she started screeching. Clearly not about that #NetflixAndChill life when it comes to birds, aye, Faryal?

While Faryal hates birds and questions their reason for existence she loves* her friends.

(*May be subjected to provision of food and entertainment.)

But the one thing she isn’t particularly keen on, is Plastics. I mean, nobody likes plastics unless you’re one of them. If you’re a plastic and you know it,I suggest you stay away from this chick unless you want to get cut.

RUN far… F A R away.

We all have that one crazy friend who we could never live without. Faryal IS that friend. With her hair up in that hella sassy ponytail she could literally pull a Beyonce. #WhoRunTheWorldGirls

Girls like Faryal and I are an acquired taste. Love us, hate us, but you can’t ignore us. Consider yourself #Blessed if you have Faryal or someone like her in your life. She will love you for who you are and never ever judge you**. (She may cut you, but she ain’t ever gon’ judge you.)

**Unless you’re an absolute idiot (like some people… you know who you are), in which case..

PS: Faryal, I know you’re reading this. You my go to. *insert four crying-laughing-dying emojis here*

Masquerade 2015 ...or was it?

Written By: Ali Ul-Haque, Arbaz (iforgothislastname) and Faryab Haye 

From the school which can’t even keep PAFMUN alive, they bring to you The Most Inconsistent Masquerade Ever.. featuring everything but masks, couple’s dancing, food, proper lighting and a dress code….. actually you know what, I don’t think it was a masquerade but (damn) I’ll tell you what it was……..
                             it was the most fun you’ll have until PAFMUN (gets cancelled again).

Now I’ll be honest here, when I saw the setup at school I was immediately excited to be a part of yet another Valima. Needless to say I was incredibly disappointed… I mean, it's PAF chapter, where’s the mandatory Biryani? (ू•‧̫•ू⑅)     (ू•‧̫•ू⑅)    Oh well, at the very least we were able to keep one tradition alive; The tradition of bad entertainment in the event..

The event kicked off with Saad Khalid, singing “Take me to Church”, on Fridaythe 13th, in a school built beside a mosque, like.. basically all we’re missing is a Bar Mitzvah, and it’d be the most culturally diverse performance ever. (MAZEL TOV SAAD, MAZEL TOV) . Then we had our very own Oompa Loompa.. Danial Baghpatti.. (Yes, that is his actual name) showing us all that the biggest of things could come in the smallest of packages, by small I mean, really small. Thank you for the “short” appearance Peter Dinklage.

Then some various, certain people tried to bring booty back, really good job guys, I thoroughly enjoyed that..(No homo). 

Speaking of minorities we had a stand-up roast session by the only two people in school who should be in jail. We’re talking about a ‘comedy’ session so offensive it had to be PAFMUNed (#ifywim) but they still managed to get the ‘message’ across.

(Right, Nofal. Freedom of speech.. geddit geddit).


This was followed by a skit which was the biggest insult to the Punjabi’s since Gullu Butt.. proving to us all that PAF chapter would never be known for it’s acting skills. After that we had a DANCE OFF (thank you Chris Pratt) between the A2’s and the AS. A performance thoroughly enjoyed by everyone with a family orientated tribute to BB ky vines. This incredibly competitive, overly dramatic and highly biased dance off was won by the A2’s but then again it is really really really hard to lose a competition which you organize, grade and take part in.

Then came three men, three extremely talented men who collectively ruined some of the best songs of our generation; they took the science out of The Scientist; they took The Rock (sorry Mr. Dwayne) out of We Will Rock You and they managed to swing  (╯◕_◕)╯ my (╯◕_◕)╯ life (╯◕_◕)╯ away….. literally.

The night was still ripe when came two people who would rekindle the event. Yes! Saad Habib and Zarmina Faizan, who reminded us that you can go a long way with some good traditional desi songs.

After them came our very own Shamoom bhai who indulged us with his poetry (Shahiry). Anyone who got the shahiry (and the most of ones who didn’t), all proclaimed Wah Wah! Wah Wah!

Then the lights turned off and everyone gathered to watch a VERY ORIGINAL (not like last year’s movie was the exact same or anything) film created by our very own Chapter Studios.

After all of the excellent performances and gimmicks came the highlight of the event.
The part everyone expcets in a Masqerade! (Uhm, kind of?)

(☞ﾟ∀ﾟ)☞        (☞ﾟ∀ﾟ)☞  THE RAVE. DUDUDUDUDUDU.

People threw away their masks and scooted to the dance floor as the DJ setup on stage. There were funky lights, loud music, people jumping up and down, and kicking each other in the faces as they tried to exhibit their perfectionist dancing skills.

Oye hoye, kia baat hei Mister!

Everyone danced until they heard the food was served. After all, they were all bound to be hungry after showing off their killer (… ok maybe not so much) moves.
Food > Dancing! Am I right? No?                          Ok..

Moving on.. The entree consisted of mainly Chinese… okay… only Chinese. But there was dessert which included cakes, Cocomo and marshmallows and CHOCOLATE FOUNTAINS (⊙_◎)

Some people finished the marshmallows even before anyone knew they even existed in the first place (*cough* Uzair and Taimoor looking at you *cough*). After eating up, everyone went right back to the dance floor for a final dance off. The rave ended and everyone was sent to or, rather, thrown out of the gate.

I guess we can safely say, this year’s welcome was by all means, EPIC. It had breathtaking performances which included dances, singing, poetry, awesome videos (thanks Mohsin!) and even a play. Well, duh, it had some cons (thoray aur pankhay laga detai yar, pesay mujh se lelayte) but nothing’s perfect.

The student council did an exceptional job at organizing the party. (And yes, Vinay, you too)
Only in chapter can we pull off a Masqerade without wearing masks!

5 things that every single person alive has got to do at PAF Chapter.

Hi guys, Whatcha doin'? Studying? Are you freaking kidding?

You've got almost the whole life to open and read boring, old course books. You may walk out solemnly out of your classrooms, struggling with e=mc₂ or gritting your tooth and nail to balance the balance sheet, but the only thing you’re really gonna cherish, years from now, are those memories filled in your pockets, loaded with joyous moments, never ending laughter, twists and turns, tearful moments and killer endings.   

College. The word implies so much, so many things to do, so many people to kill, and yet so very, very little time. Your life here, at PAF Chapter, is going to be the highlight of your life, the part of your life that you'll recall and reminisce for ages, and ages to come. And so here we bring you, from yours truly, Faiq (and Hamna and Asad) (and Huda), a fun-guide to steer you through the basic crazy stunts you can carry out to glimmer your college life:

• A must for ALL the Science Students!!! DEMOLISH ALL THE LAB EQUIPMENTS!! (Kidding.) (Sort of).
  We've all had those days in the chemistry or biology labs where things were just not going according to plan; from an entire freaking burette falling down to meet its beloved white tiles like the clash of the titans (A1S4 better know what I’m talking about), to smashing the slides while adjusting the stupid microscopes that just won’t focus right, to spilling concentrated (go big or go home, brah) Hydrochloric Acid all over your chemistry mid-term exam, to Sir Nasir subtly shaking his head and wondering which demonic ritual unleashed you inside his lab: it's all been seen and done. In fact, you're not a real science student unless you've wrecked massive destruction at least once in the laboratories and gotten scolded until your ears bled off.
  Tips on how to get away with breaking things, though? Blame it on your friends. Your beaker broke? The girl next to you did it. The acid dripped down the counter and burnt a hole in your shoe? The girl next to you did it. The ceiling fan fell down? The girl next to you did it.

• Selfies! Seeeelfieeees!!! Selfies everywhere! It's a must!
  In the washroom! Because of course you'd want to remember the good old times spent in the washroom! And ESPECIALLY those days when there actually was hand-soap-thing in the dispenser..
  
  

  

  Yeehaw! Show off that handwash, gurl!

  
  
  In the library! Because, hello, what else are libraries for?
  In the resource room! It has good lighting!
  During lectures! "Miss board pe lectures ki pictures le raha tha na :/"
  In the gym! Because taking pictures is almost as fruitful as working out using those extensive, scary-looking machines!
  In the corridors! Because we're too $waG,, of course Sir Adnan won't notice us using our phon— "BHAGOOO HEADMASSSTERRR ARAHAY HEIN!!!!!!"
  
• Arguing with the Librarian. It's a must. It's such a must-y must, we can't even begin to describe how huge of a must it is. Be it on vague topics, like forgetting to return a book for 5 months, or why the O Levels library apparently contains every book needed by the A Levels, or the talk on the price of rice in China, or otherwise, Sir Makeen has the talent to turn even the most boring moments into frankly, something quite entertaining.
  
• Another thing you'll see oh-so-common at Chapter: Literal crowds of people around one poor person in a maroon gown. Now I wonder, and you wonder, and everyone wonders; what's so special about all these society heads that people won't leave them alone?
  
  Aha! It’s kind of simple really. Favors. Certificates. Getting reputable positions in the school events and bragging about it to all your friends. "Sunoo mein assistant director of media of PAF Intellect ban gai :D:D:D" And how do you accomplish this feat? Befriend these presidents. Laugh at their lame, 2012-meme jokes. Support their utterly weird, awful stances on things: because well, who will select you for events and marathons if not the Inhouse and the Sport Society heads? And who will get you into various debate teams if you don't chum it up with Usama Khawar?
  
  I mean, it's basically worth it. Chances are, despite their possibly bad sense of humor, all of the society heads are actually gr9. Who knows? And at the end of it all, you get certificates! With a C! Certificates! So, wouldn't you totally pretend to care about a certain Outreach Society Head and the constant rejection he faces with girls...... if it means he can get you into volunteering programs and make your university application legen-wait-for-it-dary, legendary?
  
  
  

  

  Hota hei, hota hei, yaar. Saab kai saath hota hei.

  
  
• And the best, create your own memories at Chapter. Be yourself! (Unless you can be Iron Man, in which case, please always be Iron Man.) Brave the O Levels canteen lines and buy yourself a sandwich! Glue a gold coin to the floor and watch people try to pick it up and fail (spectacularly)! Or even better, put awfully huge amounts of glue on a chair and make your (unsuspecting) best friend sit on it. Watch their shirt, and your friendship tear to shreds. I did that once. She's still not talking to me.
  Make memories: make crazy-ass fan-freaking-tastic memories that will be the talk of the school for years after you're gone! Like, once, this guy jumped off the first floor balcony when his girlfriend broke up with him.
  Next week, he had another girlfriend, but really: it's the thought that counts, no?

Soo, what are you gonna do that will make you a stand-out at Chapter? Do you have an idea? No? I have one, sir jee! That guy jumped from the first floor and got a new match. Now, you try your luck from the third floor and get three. Pretty good deal, no?

*psst, Wahaj, we’re looking at you*

Now we can’t really force you to do anything (although we’re pretty sure, regardless of if you’re AS or A2, you have already taken a selfie in the bathroom. Don’t lie. We’re onto you.) but this is just a great place to start if you’ve been searching for a To-Do List or whatever. Also, just because we mentioned 5 things doesn’t mean that’s all there is to experience in the red brick buildings, there’s tonnes of other stuff too!

(Or so we’ve heard).