ISpy: Edition Five.

Written by Shehroze Shaikh

Aaj kay din...
Tanhaiyaan bhi hain, bechainiyan bhi hain,
Maasoom dil bhi hain, majbooriyan bhi hain,
Sadaayen teri kyun mujhe aati nahin
Tera intizaar hai, mujhe tujhsay pyaar hai...

Mujhe tujhse pyaar hai, tera intizaar haaaaii.. 

Oh, the wait for this baby is killing m...oh wait, you guys thought...14th Feb...Valenti...NO WAY! Valentine's Day can sit this year out 'cause, to quote Madam Tazeen, "World Cup is here!"
*Syed Bilal Rizwan Ali sent you a Who will be your valentine? request on fb*
*ignores*


I won't tell the guys to turn off their phones, because they won't be getting disturbed either. Even our women go crazy over Pakistan vs India dual. However, no matter how enthusiastic the majority of us get, there is a small fraction of people who disappoint us with the daft obsession over Valentine's Day rather than the mother of all cricket matches. They are to us what muggles were to Draco Malfoy. Like, Shahmeer Lodhi, who had a blue Friday because apparently, he was going to miss out on a hattrick this year. Nope, nothing sporty about it. "Yaaaawr, pichlay do saal say valentine thi, is saal nahi hai. Hattrick miss hogayi", he said...*Tch tch tch*
Then there was Mariam Asghar, who was telling the guys to get chocolates of 14th Feb, just for the heck of it. Madhuri much, Mariam?
From one Madhuri to the other, Mehak Saleem is threatening to beat up boys from her class who lie to their women to get out of this valentines' mumbo jumbo. *WE JUST WANT TO WATCH THE WORLD CUP, MEHAK!* *SHEESSH*

On the other end Syed Bilal Rizwan Ali and Saira Rizvi are busy sending, literally EVERYONE in their friend list a "Who will be your valentine?" request on Facebook.
*Real smooth guys..reaaaaal smooth* *shakes my head*

Khair, let's ignore the muggleness and start off with the headlines!
This week on ISpy:

1. Sakina Abbas 'sleepwalks' out of Economics. #BossWitch
2. Saira Rizvi, the embodiment of the reasons why you shouldn't bring the gossip notebook to school.

*phone rings: 1 notification*
*Syed Bilal Rizwan Ali sent you a Who will be your valentine? request on fb*
*Ignores harder*

She's smart, she's funny, she's got great reasons to kill all of mankind and now, she sleepwalks too. Boss Sakina Abbas, got bored in Economics class...again. But this time, the boredom was a struggle to ignore and she felt she had to get out. Desperate times call for desperate measures, as she stood up all of a sudden, closed her eyes, and walked towards the door, mumbling gibberish along the way. In order to not give herself away, she walked straight into the door a couple of times, before her classmate opened the door and let her out. SUCH A GENIUS. SUCH AUTHENTICITY. No wonder she calls herself the boss. She does what she wants, and with some style. She's a role model for all who are struck with boredom in class...well, that makes all of us, to be honest.

*Syed Bilal Rizwan Ali sent you a Who will be your valentine? request on fb*
*IGNORES EVEN HARDER!*

What would you do as a teacher if your student is busy scribbling in her notebook while you give out a lecture? Confiscate the notebook, and we're done, right? Well, not in Sir Raja's class. He's gonna read out that little cluster of pages you call your life, in front of the whole class. Ask Saira Rizvi, the latest victim of such tyranny. Apparently, her notebook also got taken by Sir Raja, who read out songs, gossip..and stuff.. Bottomline, never bring your journal or notebook to school. *hides the diary* *MY PRECIOUS!*

*Syed Bilal Rizwan Ali sent you a Who will be your valentine? request on fb*

*loads the Glock*

BILAL, IF WE GET ANOTHER REQUEST FROM YOU, I'M GOING TO CALL MEERA JEE AND GIVE HER YOUR ADDRESS! *Jeeee bilkulll, of course! (read in Meera jee's accent) AND I WON'T CARE IF YOUR COUSIN DID IT...TWICE..TO EVERYONE! 

Wow are like all the rest of us missing out on something HUGE? O.o

That's it folks this edition of ISpy is all wrapped up. Check in next Saturday, YES SATURDAY! ISpy on Saturdays from now on, k? k.

This is Ispy, and you're being watched!

ISpy: Edition Four

Written by Shehroze Shaikh


HELLO HELLO! IT'S GOOD TO BE BACK!
HELLO HELLO! I'M BACK AGAIN!
DID YOU MISS ME WHILE I WAS GONE? DID YOU HANG MY PICTURES ON YOUR WALL?

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, bhaiyon aur unki behnon, in times like these where your activities in school are restricted and you live in a constant state of anxiety, one thing is constantly up and happening. YOU'RE BEING WATCHED! (oh how I've missed saying that)

So we start off this post-extended vacation edition with the headlines, which are:

1. Evil psychologist in the house! *hides in terror*
   Public service message by the Student Blogging Society regarding psychology student, Aisha Zameer.
2. Nazi beware! Mehak Saleem finally gets her grammar and spellings right..or does she?
3. Discrimination or just bad luck? Sakina Abbas's account on her phone getting confiscated.
4. Letterman jackets with an appetite: Le midgets.

Psychology, I speak from experience, is an interesting but disturbing subject. It's only a matter of time before it starts to take a toll on you, and if you have your mental strength, you'll be okay, but if you don't you'll end up...well, like me. HOWEVER, I returned to the sane category today after AS Psychology student Aisha Zameer, came up with a idea that was...shocking! She designed an experiment in which participants, I thought (never been so wrong), are made to believe that they are giving electric shocks to people. The conversation that followed was this:

Aisha: So how do we evaluate the ethics in this experiment?

Me: Well, you can say that the participants were misled, given false information.

Aisha: Misled how?

Me: You're making them believe kay tum unse electric shocks dilwa rahi ho logon ko.

Aisha: Magar main to sach mein electric shocks dilwa rahi hun.

...the next few minutes were very difficult.

I'mma shock the world but they all gon' remember me.

Apparently, Miss Afsheen needs to revise the topic of ethics. To be fair, we would all love to see people getting electrocuted *silence*...okay maybe I would, but the point is that it was a creative solution. If you're going to put 'electrocuted a sane person' on somebody's conscience, you better allow them to really do it. I'm going to finish writing this report now, before I get arrested for 'accessory to violence'.

Teased, ridiculed, angered, broken, Mehak Saleem, for the past many months, has been a target of a special group of activists. One even went on to say she was the greatest victim. The group of people are the grammar Nazi's, and hence we all know what Mehak was doing wrong, spellings, grammar, punctuation, everything. Every word she wrote gave the Nazi's a chance to torment her even further. Example:

Not only that, they teased her for sense of humor too.

BUT, then Mehak finally decided that she won't be the easy victim, and that she would end this tyranny once and for all. She brushed up on her grammer, her spellings, her punctuation. She would not only escape the clutches of the Nazis, but she's going to leave them in awe. And that's exactly what she did. BEHOLD!

Good going, Mehak. We are proud of you...or are we? Just as it seemed that the Nazi would never get to pick on her again, she proved us wrong, as on the same post...

It was good while it lasted.

Nevertheless, Mehak Saleem is a hero. She's an example for everyone under Nazi attack, that no matter how many times they correct you, you keep going! #DeathToTheNazi #MehakIsAHero

We have all heard how authority is misused in this country, and how people take necessary steps to ensure it keeps working that way. People with authority have their faults overlooked, while the mango people suffer a greater punishment. Same was the case when Society President, Sakina Abbas had her phone confiscated. Now we all know how the government had issued a ban on using cellphones in schools, but our DEPUTY Head Girl, Yumna'aaaawwwwwwnnn Sohail was showed no regard for that and did what she does. Take selfies in the main ground.

Step aside, Qaim Ali Shah, I do what I waaawwwwwww'nt.

Now we can totally ignore how no teacher bothered to confiscate her phone for doing something so...unnecessary, but then we see how Sakina got her phone confiscated. Apparently, after looking for several places where she could make a call to her father without being spotted, Sakina chose to hide in the girl's bathroom. In vain, because as soon as she dialled, Miss Shazia barges right in and shouts, "Bathroom kon use kar raha haaiii?" and snatched her phone.
Bad luck or Discrimination? I guess we'll never know. Sakina, however is not happy about it, and we all know how bad it gets when little people are angry. *hides under the bed*

Speaking of...

The one thing that made the extended vacations a menace for the A2s was the delay in getting the letterman jackets. Everyone was eager to have wear the jacket and, guess what, take selfies. BUT, turns out, these jackets are very hungry by nature. Their favorite meal, short people. Yes, while tall and even mid-height people were comfortable in their jackets, the short people were struggling for their lives, trying to avoid being swallowed whole by the jackets.

Rimsha looks good on the jacket, tbh.

As you may see, the jackets likes to eat the arms first. Poor Rimsha, she should enjoy the time she has before she is devoured as a whole. She was a good person. *wipes tears*

Dear Pafians, that's it for this edition of ISpy. Check in next Friday for more exposing news. And also check in every Wednesday for our new segment, Humans of PAF Chapter. You know what, check in every day 'cause we have a cool blog. This is ISpy, and you're being watched!
Now I'll go clean my room, before my mom comes in with a broom! 
That Rhymed!!

*Han Han Ammi, aa raha hun, publish to karne dain*