ISpy: Edition Four

Written by Shehroze Shaikh


HELLO HELLO! IT'S GOOD TO BE BACK!
HELLO HELLO! I'M BACK AGAIN!
DID YOU MISS ME WHILE I WAS GONE? DID YOU HANG MY PICTURES ON YOUR WALL?

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, bhaiyon aur unki behnon, in times like these where your activities in school are restricted and you live in a constant state of anxiety, one thing is constantly up and happening. YOU'RE BEING WATCHED! (oh how I've missed saying that)

So we start off this post-extended vacation edition with the headlines, which are:

1. Evil psychologist in the house! *hides in terror*
   Public service message by the Student Blogging Society regarding psychology student, Aisha Zameer.
2. Nazi beware! Mehak Saleem finally gets her grammar and spellings right..or does she?
3. Discrimination or just bad luck? Sakina Abbas's account on her phone getting confiscated.
4. Letterman jackets with an appetite: Le midgets.

Psychology, I speak from experience, is an interesting but disturbing subject. It's only a matter of time before it starts to take a toll on you, and if you have your mental strength, you'll be okay, but if you don't you'll end up...well, like me. HOWEVER, I returned to the sane category today after AS Psychology student Aisha Zameer, came up with a idea that was...shocking! She designed an experiment in which participants, I thought (never been so wrong), are made to believe that they are giving electric shocks to people. The conversation that followed was this:

Aisha: So how do we evaluate the ethics in this experiment?

Me: Well, you can say that the participants were misled, given false information.

Aisha: Misled how?

Me: You're making them believe kay tum unse electric shocks dilwa rahi ho logon ko.

Aisha: Magar main to sach mein electric shocks dilwa rahi hun.

...the next few minutes were very difficult.

I'mma shock the world but they all gon' remember me.

Apparently, Miss Afsheen needs to revise the topic of ethics. To be fair, we would all love to see people getting electrocuted *silence*...okay maybe I would, but the point is that it was a creative solution. If you're going to put 'electrocuted a sane person' on somebody's conscience, you better allow them to really do it. I'm going to finish writing this report now, before I get arrested for 'accessory to violence'.

Teased, ridiculed, angered, broken, Mehak Saleem, for the past many months, has been a target of a special group of activists. One even went on to say she was the greatest victim. The group of people are the grammar Nazi's, and hence we all know what Mehak was doing wrong, spellings, grammar, punctuation, everything. Every word she wrote gave the Nazi's a chance to torment her even further. Example:

Not only that, they teased her for sense of humor too.

BUT, then Mehak finally decided that she won't be the easy victim, and that she would end this tyranny once and for all. She brushed up on her grammer, her spellings, her punctuation. She would not only escape the clutches of the Nazis, but she's going to leave them in awe. And that's exactly what she did. BEHOLD!

Good going, Mehak. We are proud of you...or are we? Just as it seemed that the Nazi would never get to pick on her again, she proved us wrong, as on the same post...

It was good while it lasted.

Nevertheless, Mehak Saleem is a hero. She's an example for everyone under Nazi attack, that no matter how many times they correct you, you keep going! #DeathToTheNazi #MehakIsAHero

We have all heard how authority is misused in this country, and how people take necessary steps to ensure it keeps working that way. People with authority have their faults overlooked, while the mango people suffer a greater punishment. Same was the case when Society President, Sakina Abbas had her phone confiscated. Now we all know how the government had issued a ban on using cellphones in schools, but our DEPUTY Head Girl, Yumna'aaaawwwwwwnnn Sohail was showed no regard for that and did what she does. Take selfies in the main ground.

Step aside, Qaim Ali Shah, I do what I waaawwwwwww'nt.

Now we can totally ignore how no teacher bothered to confiscate her phone for doing something so...unnecessary, but then we see how Sakina got her phone confiscated. Apparently, after looking for several places where she could make a call to her father without being spotted, Sakina chose to hide in the girl's bathroom. In vain, because as soon as she dialled, Miss Shazia barges right in and shouts, "Bathroom kon use kar raha haaiii?" and snatched her phone.
Bad luck or Discrimination? I guess we'll never know. Sakina, however is not happy about it, and we all know how bad it gets when little people are angry. *hides under the bed*

Speaking of...

The one thing that made the extended vacations a menace for the A2s was the delay in getting the letterman jackets. Everyone was eager to have wear the jacket and, guess what, take selfies. BUT, turns out, these jackets are very hungry by nature. Their favorite meal, short people. Yes, while tall and even mid-height people were comfortable in their jackets, the short people were struggling for their lives, trying to avoid being swallowed whole by the jackets.

Rimsha looks good on the jacket, tbh.

As you may see, the jackets likes to eat the arms first. Poor Rimsha, she should enjoy the time she has before she is devoured as a whole. She was a good person. *wipes tears*

Dear Pafians, that's it for this edition of ISpy. Check in next Friday for more exposing news. And also check in every Wednesday for our new segment, Humans of PAF Chapter. You know what, check in every day 'cause we have a cool blog. This is ISpy, and you're being watched!
Now I'll go clean my room, before my mom comes in with a broom! 
That Rhymed!!

*Han Han Ammi, aa raha hun, publish to karne dain*

In Loving Memory..

Written by: Simran Avadia & Sakina Abbas
Photo Credits: Ishaant Nandkishore Awasti (AKA Affan Ather)

IMPORTANT NOTICE:

Dear PAFIANS,

This post must be read with utmost sobriety and interest, for what is to be told to you today is probably something you already know, but is now hyperbolised and exaggerated in any and every way possible.

That is all.

                 X --------------------------X

I recall seeing him on the 16th of December, when I had made an effort to come to school in order to give a mid-year exam. Back then, little did I know that this was the last time that I would be having an encounter with him. Had I known what was to come, I swear I would have made him feel special. Perhaps, I could have given him a treat or something. Or at least, I could have taken a selfie with him to post on my Instagram with, “#FavCrush #Us<3 #LuvOvMaLaaife #Bae #MyKhalasar #MySun&Moon #andStars” and so goes the list of the hashtags. *sigh* Should’ve, would’ve, could’ve. I remember that our eyes met, following which, we just walked away in different directions.

I hoped to see him when I returned to School from our Winter Break. However, there was no sign of him. Desperate, I asked around, but no one seemed to care. In fact, everyone was glad that he could not be seen anywhere. I panicked. Who could take him away and where?! Would his captors demand ransom? Or was he just .. dead? I presumed the latter, only because it was easier to believe. He was the most exquisite creature I ever had the pleasure to meet; he turned my head around, LITERALLY. Yes, head. Because turning one’s life around is so not possible, duhh. So I spin my head right round, right round, then you go down, then you go down down..

Down..

Baby are you down down down down down? YES. I AM SO DOWN .. To earth. Only short people like Haniya will understand this.

Anyway, he was there for me in the darkest of my times. He almost always smelled of food. He had those pretty hair one could die for. And his eyes could see right through you, penetrating your soul, and everything else. He had the eyes of Sauron, because one eye of Sauron was not cool and creepy enough. And his nose? Whoa, don’t even remind me of his cute little pink nose. *Inserts Yumna’s signature Awwwwwn.* Now, I usually don’t fall for anyone, but the fact that I did fall for him makes gravity feel ashamed. Huh!

Because this.

Albeit, it has only been a matter of a few months when I received the following report about his sister and him, from one of my subordinates. Yes, I told them all to spy on him, for me..

“It has come to the attention of the Student Blogging Team (SBT) that our beloved PAF Chapter has been harboring mysterious and wild refugees. Yes, refugees!
How long they have been staying here or who smuggled them here, no one knows, but some of our sources tell us that they’ve been spotted in various places around the school for an unknown period of time, carrying out questionable acts.

Bear in mind, they aren’t like us, not by a long shot. Information provided below is strictly confidential and wouldn’t be provided if it wasn’t for your well being and our own selfish humour.

NAMES: Peter and Delilah

IDENTIFICATION:

Grey hair

Unfathomable language

Inability to walk on two legs

Pear shaped face (from the side, at least)

Nails sharper than a vampire’s teeth

DIET:

Dupatta corners

Shoe laces

Human flesh

FAVOURITE HANGOUT SPOTS:
Classrooms
Trashcans
Main ground

ACTS OF SUSPICION:

Scratching bags and licking its straps while you gossip with your friends

Biting your hand when you try to offer a friendly pat

Eyeing you with a deathly stare as you eat ice cream

Coming near girls, only to see them run and scream for their lives

NEVER following teachers as if there were some secret agreement between the two

parties o.o

Yes, if you haven’t already guessed it, I’m talking about THESE creatures residing in our school since the very inception of time.

Peter be like, "Watchu lookin' at, bruh?"

Delilah be like, "My eyes and your eyes. Fabulous, exciting eyes. Eye to eye.."

Peter and Delilah, you may have some friends here (yes, Sakina. I’m looking at you) but I assure you, we will find the start of your story.

Peter and Sakina - still a better love story than TFIOS.

"Ah, yes. Pet me, slaves."

This awareness post is brought to you by SBT, umeed hai ke aap safeguard se haath dho kar 99% jaraseem ka khatma kartey hongey.”

That being said, Peter, if you’re reading this, I want you to know that, “wherever you go, whatever you do, I will be right here waiting for you..”
I’m kidding. We got a new edition of kittens a few days ago and they’re way fluffier than you. OkayThanksBye.

MUNIK - Model United Nations IBA Karachi

Written by: Hamna Fatima & Usama Khawar.

MUNIK, heard the word before? Maybe from one of your annoying debating-obsessed friends, or that group of kids in the school van who just can't stop talking about it? Annoying much? Tell me about it.

An MUN is basically a simulation of the United Nations Organization, in which each delegation is to represent a particular country or character in various committees such as the Security Council (SC) or the Disarmament and International Security Committee (DISEC) in order to debate on a specific topic and come up with a resolution.

Model United Nations IBA Karachi, otherwise known as MUNIK is the biggest of its kind in Karachi and 3 delegations were sent to represent PAF Chapter in it, both from A levels as well as O levels.

The countries assigned to our students were United Kingdom, United States of America, France, Israel and Pakistan. PAF Chapter could, in mine and other's opinions, be said to have some of the best delegations present.

Hassan Bin Shaheen, who was supposed to be the secretary general of the recently called-off PAFMUN 2015 was present there too as a committee director in the Post-Apocalyptic Cabinet (PAC), which was one of the specialized fantasy committees in which our very own Usama Khawar was a delegate (Usama has yet to recover from the trauma it caused from trying to save the human race from destruction in the hands of evil machines).

At MUNIK, this time around, it seems they'd cut down the number of awards, yet still Chapter’s Shahzaib (Sparkles) Alam, Sitwat (Pillar-hugger) Atiq and Inshirah Tahir (Haniya Ahmed v2) were able to score best delegate awards in their respective committees. Plus, our very own heads of the PSS, Shaheer Masud and Rohan Faisal were able to take home Honorable Mentions in some of the hardest committees of the event. Other Honorable Mention awards were won by Imad Aleem, Waleed Bin Khalid, Romaiza Ibad and Abdullah Zahid.

Although this time the award of Best Delegation was taken by Nixor College, it did not stop Chapter from being the team which enjoyed the most! Several good pictures were taken (mostly selfies), laughter was heard, and “Chaaaappter” was shouted whenever an award was announced, so the team came home without any regrets. 

"50 shades of purple."

But undoubtedly, no one person had more fun at the social events than PAF Chapter’s debate coach Mr. Yelmaz Mujtaba who was also present at MUNIK for adjudicating, but let’s not talk more about that here…

The delegates themselves seemed to have enjoyed themselves a lot owing to the fact that; Shahzaib was seen running away from a mob of excited girls who could not get enough of him. Najam Hassan could be seen trying to explain to every other guy that he was not an international delegate from somewhere in Africa. Imad Aleem half-slouching just so he could hear the rest of the (comparatively shorter) people talking and also Abdullah Zahid who had been trying his best to score free food at the event somehow…

As part of the tradition set up by our ex-pafian seniors, all chapter delegates boasted the color purple in the closing ceremony and stood united as ever. 

We congratulate the Public Speaking Society members, and its heads, for the wonderful display during the MUN, and we are proud to study beside such talented people.