Third Position: Sitwat Atiq of class A1G1
She screamed at the top of her lungs as the smoke of her burning heart infiltrated the facade of composure she had adapted. She was in undefinable pain. This was her battle against the destructive monstrous path of life. She felt like the walls were closing in on her. She did not know where she was heading or the exact moment, when the pretentious journey of this sinful life would end up abandoning her. She had been damaged and isolated one too many times before, to the point where her own trepidation overpowered her obsequious imagination. Life felt like this never ending loop of desires, hope and destruction. All she wanted was to be released, all she wanted was for the pain to end. She smashed the lamp off of the wall and stormed to the bathroom destroying everything in her path, she picked up the bottle of sleeping pills and swallowed as many as she could. She had read that it hurt less that way. She picked up the blade and put it to her wrist and right then and there, when she was about to cut herself and get it all over with, her mother rushed into the room, tears streaming down her face, and embraced her.
They curled on the floor and cried and in that moment she wished she could undo the pain that she had caused her mother. She did not understand where the selfishness had surfaced from, could she be that selfish? Hurting the one person she had sworn she would always love in the process of finding an escape to her own pain and suffering? Was she capable of committing an act so cruel? Was she capable of putting someone she loved through that kind of pain? In that moment she clearly understood that life was simply a choice, while death was a decision. She was hurt, trampled on and broken but she was not weak, and in that moment, all her ambivalence was swept away. If life was truly a battle, she would give her all. Maybe she would lose a couple fights along the way, maybe she would burn to pieces and fall apart, maybe it would leave her speechless and broken but she would not give up without a fight. She would never capitulate to the injustice. This was the moment that she realized that we should smile for a change even though we all are different and the smiles are not the same, even though deep inside we are broken we can still smile through the pain because the only thing that is constant in this life is change. Every situation you find yourself in, all the fear and the pain in the world is temporary and we should not allow it to stop us from taking chances and being happy. How could we possibly know how something might end up if we are afraid to try it in the first place? In that moment, she understood that failure and imperfections are okay, they are not curses. They are gifts that we fail to understand the values of. One must know the pain of failure to truly cherish the pleasures of success. It helps people work hard for what they want and once a person goes through something themselves, they understand what it truly feels like and are generally kinder to others and have a lot more compassion. She understood that she would never cause anyone the kind of pain that she herself was compelled to go through. She understood that it did not matter what other people said even though their words still hurt, she deserved way better and she should have known her worth all along from the very start. From that day she knew that she would always love the skin she wears, and her natural hair, the scars on her wrists and all the stretch marks that do appear because she is everything, and more. And her imperfections are parts of her that she should adore. She understood that she would never allow other people to define her capabilities and that her failures are only mild hitches to the final destination and she should learn from them. And if she does fall along the way, she will rise. And she will give it her all.
They curled on the floor and cried and in that moment she wished she could undo the pain that she had caused her mother. She did not understand where the selfishness had surfaced from, could she be that selfish? Hurting the one person she had sworn she would always love in the process of finding an escape to her own pain and suffering? Was she capable of committing an act so cruel? Was she capable of putting someone she loved through that kind of pain? In that moment she clearly understood that life was simply a choice, while death was a decision. She was hurt, trampled on and broken but she was not weak, and in that moment, all her ambivalence was swept away. If life was truly a battle, she would give her all. Maybe she would lose a couple fights along the way, maybe she would burn to pieces and fall apart, maybe it would leave her speechless and broken but she would not give up without a fight. She would never capitulate to the injustice. This was the moment that she realized that we should smile for a change even though we all are different and the smiles are not the same, even though deep inside we are broken we can still smile through the pain because the only thing that is constant in this life is change. Every situation you find yourself in, all the fear and the pain in the world is temporary and we should not allow it to stop us from taking chances and being happy. How could we possibly know how something might end up if we are afraid to try it in the first place? In that moment, she understood that failure and imperfections are okay, they are not curses. They are gifts that we fail to understand the values of. One must know the pain of failure to truly cherish the pleasures of success. It helps people work hard for what they want and once a person goes through something themselves, they understand what it truly feels like and are generally kinder to others and have a lot more compassion. She understood that she would never cause anyone the kind of pain that she herself was compelled to go through. She understood that it did not matter what other people said even though their words still hurt, she deserved way better and she should have known her worth all along from the very start. From that day she knew that she would always love the skin she wears, and her natural hair, the scars on her wrists and all the stretch marks that do appear because she is everything, and more. And her imperfections are parts of her that she should adore. She understood that she would never allow other people to define her capabilities and that her failures are only mild hitches to the final destination and she should learn from them. And if she does fall along the way, she will rise. And she will give it her all.
I opened my eyes and stared at my reflection in the mirror.
'You are amazing and strong, and I am so proud of you',
Edited by: Rida Manzar
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