We Mistook Him for Being Innocent

Written by: Sakina Abbas

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, humans and/or animals, and anyone else who has been left out, WE ARE BACK WITH HUMANS OF PAF CHAPTER. *inserts fan-girl screams*

Honestly, I am clueless whether you guys were anxiously waiting for this Issue or just nervously biting your whatever-little-remains-of-your-nails in the slightest of hope that you did not get stalked overnight and you did not get the privilege of bathing in the spotlight of your own little amusements. Ha! Talk about being an embarrassing person and then getting laughed at. *slow claps*

Anyhow, I shall not keep you waiting any longer. Tonight’s Human of PAF Chapter is none other than ..

“kho na jaye yeh taarey zameen par..”

Yes, that’s right. We’re talking about Ishaant Nandkishore Awasti, people!

Naturally, all of you should know who Ishaant is. For those dimwits who are entirely clueless about the mere existence of this ‘highly-imaginative’ kid, I shall present you with his nickname. His real name is Ishaant blahblahblah and he’s SOMETIMES referred to as Affan Ather. Or should I say, Aaaaaffan Ather? -Courtesy of our AS Economics’ teacher, Sir Osman. *salutes*

I know, the former is easier to remember.

So let us get down and let us get straight. You see, Ishaant is not like you or me; he is a special kid with special inborn talents. Okay, I KNOW I just got your attention when you read that Ishaant has some 'talents' too and you’re definitely eager to find out about his capabilities because you’re overwhelmed with the very thought of the aforesaid but, let us keep that in store for later..

Anyway, Ishaant is the second most popular person I’ve had the pleasure of crossing paths with. I mean, you should totally see how every single person in the world turns out to be somehow related to him and I’m not even kidding. Moreover, he looks innocent and studious, but he is not. I repeat, HE IS NOT INNOCENT AT ALL. Looks are deceiving, yes..
But, seriously. What else would you make of a person who literally follows you everywhere in PAFMUN to take your photos just because you told him to? Though, honestly speaking, *hushed whisper* he never even took good photos of me. Talk about betrayal! I disown you, Ishaant! I’m kidding, who will take my candid shots in the school?!

Moreover, he is always lost in his little bubble of utopia. You give him numbers, he will just stare at you like a dumbfounded creature. You give him words, he will ask you why he’s studying with YOU in the first place. You give him an opportunity to take photos of you, he will say, “kia faaida? Bandey ki jab shakal he achi nai hai tou tasveer keisey achi aasakti hai?” But if you give him food, he will be your obsequious pet who will follow you everywhere. Literally. Everywhere. *organ piano plays in the distance*

Nonetheless, despite all of his naturally amusing inborn talents, one can simply not fail to have some sympathy for him. His name is not Ishaant for no reason, after all..

So why Ishaant? Why choose to write about him? Well, everyone has a story to tell and so does he. This is how our investigation 'happened':

I: What’s so unique about you that distinguishes you from the rest of the imbeciles?
Ishaant: Baba Kayhaan once told me, “zindagi mein jis cheez ke peechey bhaagogey, woh cheez tumsey dur bhaagey gi.” That’s why I don’t run after girls.

I: Okay, aside from the aforesaid, what sets you apart from the crowd?

Ishaant: Bilal kehta hai..

I: Yar tum khud bhe kuch kehtey ho apney baarey mein?!

Ishaant: Ummm, no.

I: Anyway, are there any misconceptions about you that you would like to clear?

Ishaant: Yes! People think that I’m always free just because I’m sitting in front of the washroom most of the time. The fact that a teacher does not permit me to sit in a class is another thing but, washroom is a place where anyone can come, irrespective of his decision to go inside or not. Plus, I don’t know why people often call me by the first three alphabets of the English language. I don’t even know what they mean when they call me that because I’m just too naive and innocent. Don’t you think so?

I: Oh, totally.. Alright, one final question. What’s your story, Affan?
Ishaant: I used to be an introvert and I would always be buried in the books. I had almost no social life. Then, after I entered this phase of A Levels, I found myself in a group that transformed me in the best of the ways. My friends took me to places and had me socializing to a great degree; I finally felt a sense of belonging. I would always be studying before, but then one of my friends told me that a piece of paper cannot determine my future or my capabilities. That’s when I became confident and content with my perfect imperfections. What people say or do to me does not move me now. I know who I am and I know what I’m made of. No one can build my future for me because I believe that the best way to predict one's future is to build one. For once, I want to be pragmatic. I want everyone to know that I haven't been lost in my reveries for no reason.. I’m Affan Ather, after all. Naam tou suna hoga?

This was Affan’s story. What’s yours?
Until next Wednesday, au revoir!