Journey of a promise.

Rimsha Khan

A2C5

I felt the wind blowing my hair. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the breeze on my cheeks. I took a deep

breath. It brought me joy that I can’t explain and peace that only can be described when felt. I sat on

the cliff near the beach. The sound of the waves marching and fighting against the cliffs was soothing. I

smiled as a wave crashed into the cliff spraying the water on me. Couldn’t everyday be like this? It was

such an amazing feeling to have no worries, and to just sit there, near the water and listen to the waves

sing to me. It was the most beautiful melody that I had ever heard, a melody that no musician and no

genius could produce or make. It was unique and somewhat familiar as well. I opened my eyes and let

the sun light gleam on my face. I squinted my eyes to see the sun, It was bright and happy, the light

shone on me and I felt as if God’s light was shining on me. It was like; He was giving me the power to live

through another day. I smiled again, and closed my eyes. I sensed that I would have to leave soon, so I

thought of delaying my trip by a few more minutes to absorb the warmth of the Sun, so that I could live

through another day of cold emotions and blunt truth. Sometimes, the Sun is not just a source of light;

 it sometimes becomes a reason for existence. It is God’s way to help me through another day every day.

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After a few more minutes of experiencing paradise, I got up slowly and looked ahead. All I could see was

the glittering water, pure white sand and birds flying. I tried to strain my eyes to see as far as possible.

Nope. Nothing. It was never ending, the water. It seemed like I could swim forever and it will never end.

But good things always have to end and naturally, they do end. As I stood on the cliff, I saw the first

family coming in, kids in their costumes, jittery with excitement to jump into the sea. I sighed. That was

my cue to leave. I don’t enjoy crowds and I definitely don’t enjoy the screaming and yelling, I like to be

at peace. That is why I make a trip to the beach early in the morning and watch the sun rise. The bright

horizon brings with it new colors of hope and faith. The red and orange sky looks like flame but there

is much more to it. It is the color of joy and friendship. Yes, friendship. I have found loyal and honest

friends in water, the sky and the sun. No matter in which part of the world I am, they are there with me.

And I know for a fact that even when the whole world throws me aside, they will be there for me and

that I can always count on them. I can look at them and express my feelings without saying a word, they

believe in me and they help me. Like I said, it is God’s way to help me through every single day of my

life.

Lost in thought, I suddenly realized that the beach was starting to get crowded; I picked my bag up and

walked back towards my house. I didn't want to go back home, normally home is what people wish for.

Home is where the heart is. But not for me…for me, it’s not home. It’s just a house. It’s a place where I

live, barely. It’s an empty house, with pictures that remind me of moments and sharp memories… happy

memories. My house is not alone, I have neighbors, but they have stopped worrying about me. Actually

it’s my fault, I didn't want to be taken care of, I didn't want any of the attention or the sympathy. I stopped

responding to their love, so they eventually pulled back their outstretched arms of love and care. I once

used to be worry free and joyous, I was ambitious and I had dreams to follow. Dreams, which if were

fulfilled, would have made my parents proud of me. But that day never came…

My parents were taking me to my graduation ceremony. I always wanted to become a doctor and help

the human cause. I was the only child and my parents had the mutual dream for me. They wanted to see

me as a successful doctor, who helped people: the underprivileged and the deprived. My mother was a

social worker and my dad…well; my dad was a retired army officer. But after his retirement, 
he decided to join mom, and so they found out a common way to fill up their lives. 
I remember sitting in the car on the day of my graduation and I saw my parents look at me with a smile.
 It was a smile worth a thousand lives. It was honest and I could see the happiness behind it. They looked 
at me and said in synchrony: “I am so proud of you!” The moment ended in laughter, but I could see the shine 
of happy tears in my mom’s eyes and the pride in my dad’s. I wasn’t a graduate yet, but I felt my head rise in pride and

happiness. We drove, and my dad turned around to ask me something…That’s when it all went black!

I woke up to a bright white room. I could hear a lot of beeping around me, I felt agitated and confused.

My head was heavy, my vision was blurry and I had no idea what was happening. I looked around to

absorb my surroundings. All I could see was a white bed beside me pushed against the wall, and a lot of

monitors connected to me through tubes and drips. I tried to calm myself down and interpret my

surroundings. I closed my eyes and tried to take deep breath. As soon as I closed my eyes, the vision of

my dad turning around and smiling at me flashed! I opened my eyes in that instant. Suddenly, I could

put the pieces together. I was in the hospital because we had been in a car accident but I did not

remember anything after that. I put myself together and beeped for the nurse. In the same instant a

nurse with a smiling face entered my room, she seemed in her late twenties and she had big sparkly

eyes. She bent down to me and said: “welcome back!” and smiled angelically. I knew I wasn’t coherent; I

tried to grasp the meaning of those words. “What do you mean…welcome back?” She looked at me with

deep honest eyes and said: “you’ve been sleeping for a long time sweetheart. You were in a coma, for

six days.” Coma? For six days? I quietly wondered trying to clear my mind. I cleared my throat, and

asked her: “Where are my parents? Are they okay?” That’s when the smile disappeared from her face

and she suddenly looked worried, her eyes went to the tubes quickly as if she was trying to avoid the

question. “You need to rest dear. I will call for your medications now.” And she walked away quickly. I

wanted to ask her what was happening, I was feeling confused, but there was a new confusion in my

head. I knew the bitter truth but I wasn’t willing to accept it. I knew my parents were in a critical

condition, and the nurse won’t tell me because she thought it will slow my recovery. Fine, I thought. I’ll

just ask someone else. When the nurse came back, I looked at her and said “Its okay, I know my parents

are in a bad condition. You can tell me alright? I know them, they are fighters, and they will not give up.

They’ll be fine; you don’t have to hide it.” She just stared at me blankly and softly patted my hair. Then

she came close and said: “I’m sorry. But they have already lost their fight…”

For the next few days, I clung to that sentence which shattered my world into so many pieces, the

sentence that revealed the ugly, bitter truth, the one which created such a big hole in my heart and soul

that it was beyond repair. I would just stare at the walls and ceiling of the room blankly. Often I wouldn’t

realize that I was crying until the nurse came and wiped my tears. I was discharged from the hospital

after a week or so, I had lost track of time, and to me, it didn't matter anymore. The ones that mattered

to me the most were not here anymore...

I sat on the edge of my hospital bed, dreading to go back home. I didn't want to go back…I was scared.

As I sat trying to find meaning and sense of my life, my doctor came and sat beside me. “You are a

very strong girl Amy. Just like your mother.” I looked at her in surprise. Then she handed me a thin envelope, 
it was addressed to me. I flipped it over again and again, thinking what it was. My doctor read

the question in my eyes and continued: “It’s a letter, from your mother. She wrote it, while she was

admitted in the hospital. She knew she wasn’t going to make it. But she knew you would. She wrote it

in a lot of pain, her injuries were the biggest hindrance, but like I said…she was very strong.” I felt my

eyes well up in tears, so much that my vision got blurry. I just stared at the doctor trying to comprehend

what she had just said. I wanted to ask questions but my throat felt tight and tied up. I wiped my tears

and stared at the envelope in my hand. The doctor squeezed my hand and left. I took a moment and

thought if I wanted to do this now. These were my mom’s last words to me, should I save them for

later? I shoved the thought and opened the envelope with shaky hands. I flipped the paper open and

saw my mom’s handwriting; it was a little shaky, because of the pain, maybe. I cried. But that was just

the beginning. I read the letter:

Dear Amy,

My love, Im sorry that Im not with you when you are reading this letter. Your daddy isn’t there too dear, I

know. He wasn’t here with me either. He left us way before time. I just want to say that sweetheart, this

journey might seem very tough to you all by yourself, but honey you need to overcome fears and phases

in life. It might seem very difficult and it is very difficult. But nothing in life is easy. You don’t know how

pained I am to think about the fact that I will never be able to see your face, I won’t be able to touch you,

hug you and kiss you. My sorrow is deep within my heart and the pain is piercing my soul. But I want you

to accept reality and move on. Accomplish your dreams and follow your heart. You have a long life ahead

of you. I and John had lived our part that’s why the end came on us. You be brave my child, fight against

the life’s calamities and embrace the harsh truth. Be strong. Never in life, let this incident break you

down and stop you from soaring to new heights. Promise me that you will listen to me. My child, what

doesn’t kill you, only makes you stronger. Remember: mommy loves you very much and daddy loves you

too. We might not be there with you, but we are always there in your heart and mind. Never feel alone,

because you’re not. We will all be together one day, but we’ll just have to wait for that day. Till then, it’s

a good bye Amy. We both love you and we always will. Never forget that…

I hugged the paper to my chest and cried out loud. My heart felt so heavy that I thought it would

explode. I wanted it to, so that I will not have to go through the harsh reality. I wanted to skip my

life and die in this instance. I cried and cried. I lost track of time, my eyes gave up and they dried

automatically. I could sense the sorrow settling in and a light soreness in my mind. I couldn’t do it. It was

too much to ask. I was all alone. I had never spent a day apart from them and now suddenly, they had

been taken away for ever!

It has been three months now. It seems like three lifetimes actually. My life is a fixed pattern, I cry

myself to sleep every single night since I came back from the hospital. I live in my parents’ bedroom and

sleep on their bed. I go to the beach early morning to relax myself and try to find hope and strength

to live through another day. I eat meals with the table set for three. I clean the house everyday and

then open the cartons with our pictures in it. Every day I repeat the same pattern and I read mom’s letter 
over and over again. I get stuck on the part where she wanted me to make a promise to her. I still

haven’t been able to make that promise. I always get stuck here and wander aimlessly in my thoughts. Is

it worth it? But then, I end up crying, again.

I walked back home and opened the door. I could feel the emptiness screaming just like it did every

single day. I have graduated, but it doesn’t mean anything. My parents never saw me graduate, what’s

the point then? I have no plans of studying further, because I can’t. It will be too much to handle. Today,

I felt different. I roamed in the hallway and saw the pictures hanging on the wall. The first one was on

my first day to school, I was all dressed up and my mom was soo happy. Dad had taken that picture. I

smiled as a tear dropped from my eye. I moved on, touching the pictures, trying to feel my parents face

that I missed sooo much…but it was just glass that came in my hand, nothing else. I stopped at the last

one, it was taken on the day of my graduation, before we left, the day my parents… I took it off the wall

and stared at it. I looked so happy, and my parents! Their expressions were a mixture of awe, happiness,

pride and joy! A thousand words could not describe their face. I felt something prickle my heart, like

it will tear apart this second. When I looked at the picture, I could see my parents shine with pride.

They loved me for what I was and wanted me to be good. And now, I was just realizing that I had driven

myself to a completely opposite direction. This is NOT what they wanted me to be, and this is NOT how

they wanted me to live my life. They knew that we won’t be together forever, I knew it too. It’s just that

everybody loses some loved one or the other someday, but for me, that time came a little too quickly in

my life. And I have all the right to be sad, and I have a right to miss them, but I can’t just throw my life

away like that?! My life was something that my parents worked so hard on…their dreams and wishes all

cling to my life and by wasting my time, I was wasting and letting their dreams go.

I stared at the picture in my hands. Life suddenly took a perspective in my eyes; everything seemed

clear, not perfect but definitely better. Just by looking at my parents I got a lot of answers. Answers

of questions like; what I was I supposed to do now? Why is it like this? And why they had to leave me

so early? It was then that I realized that I knew all these answers all along, but I had them buried in

my heart because I dint want to accept them. But things seemed a lot different suddenly. I sat in the

middle of the hallway and thought, is this all that it took? I wondered for some time and then went to

my parents’ room to retrieve mom’s letter from the drawer.

I skipped to the part where she wanted me to make a promise, a promise that would bind me to my

duties and responsibilities and would ask me to fight. It was something which was very hard, but had to

be done anyway. I read the letter one last time and a tear fell on the paper. It was time for me to make

the promise and move on. It did not mean that I will stop loving or missing them, but I just had to deal

with what God had decided for me instead of wallowing over it and hurting my parents’ soul over it too.

*---------------------------------------*

I stood in front of the building that read: “John and Mary’s charity hospital”. I had done it, I had finally

achieved what I wanted and the thing that my mom and dad would have wanted me to do as well. I

had finally been able to build a charity hospital with the name of my parents. Ten years…this is all the

time that it took me to set this whole dream up. I had managed to put together a hospital that would be

sincerely devoted to the underprivileged and deprived members of the society. I smiled at the names

on the board. I felt my parents’ presence here and it made me feel connected to them more than ever. I

looked up in the sky, smiled and whispered: “I love you…” The wind blew ever so lightly and brushed my

cheeks, my heart jumped with joy and then I walked back inside to live my dream…